Chances
by Lady Feylene
Summary: Remus is struggling with coming to terms with a few things. Mad-Eye Moody offers him some insight and more. (Slash, OotP Spoilers)


Disclaimer: Characters are not mine, I am making no money off of this whatsoever.

Title: Chances

Author: Lady Feylene

Pairing: Moody/Remus

Warning: Slash, OotP Spoilers.

Rating: PG-13

Summary: Remus is trying very hard to get over his grief, and Moody offers some insight. This was written for a friend who *really* wanted some Moody/Remus slash.

Archive: Sure, just ask. I mean it when I say ask. If you take a fic without permission, I will hunt you down and take legal action.

"I can't believe he's gone." Remus Lupin stared blankly down into the cup of tea that Alastor 'Mad-Eye' Moody set in front of him. He didn't really want it. He was still in shock, really. He had been, since returning from the Ministry. How many days ago had that been? Three? Four maybe? He'd lost track.

"You're not alone, Remus," Moody told him, his magical eye rolling this way and that in it's socket.

  
"I just can't believe it." He'd been repeating the same words over and over, more or less.

"These things take time. Drink your tea."

"Oh. Thank you." Remus nodded, and forced himself to take a swallow. 

"You need to talk. I've seen it before. Can't tell you how many times I sat down with one of my men, broken up from what they'd seen. Some of the others said it was soft, taking death to heart. Pah! Death's part of life, doesn't make it any easier." Moody thumped his fist on the table, and Remus jumped a bit.

Of course. The old Auror had to have lost plenty of loved ones to the first war. Or at least seen enough people who had.

"I…there's not much to say." Remus shrugged, his fingers wrapped around the warm shell of the tea cup. 

"Don't give me that bullshit." Moody shook his head, his twisted lips set in what Remus supposed was an attempt at a thin line. "He was your best friend. You hurt. It's eatin' you up inside. You need to talk, I'll listen."

"I…" Remus trailed off. He couldn't talk to anyone. Not about what was really bothering him. He'd made promises. But did promises to a dead man matter?

"Spill it. You need to get drunk? We can do that. You need to drink, then you drink."

"Oh. No. I'm not a drinking man." Remus shook his head , taking another sip of his tea.

"Then tough it up, boy." Moody glared at him, his magical eye quivering as it focused on Remus.

"I just…miss him."

"And? I'm not a stupid man."

"We…it's very complicated…" Remus stared into the amber liquid that he couldn't bring himself to drink more of. Complicated. That was an odd word for it. *It* wasn't complicated, but explaining it was.

"What? You were bedmates, eh?"

"P-pardon?" Remus looked up, licking his lips nervously. "It…it wasn't…"

"Course it wasn't. You're not that type."

"Not what type?" Remus had the idea he was losing the thread of the conversation rapidly.

"Quick shag, then off to your own bed. S'not you."

"Oh." Remus swallowed hard, and nodded. "No."

"Always looking for 'commitment'."

"No…I…Sirius and I were together since graduation. I never…I loved him very much…" The words were hard to find, but hard to stop as well. Remus knew he wasn't making a very coherent case, but Moody was right. He needed to talk, and the old Auror seemed willing to listen.

"Never get over that first love, eh? I understand." Moody nodded. "He's gone, Remus."

"I know." Gone. Not gone like last time, but Gone. The next time Remus saw him would be in the afterlife.

"You'll be all right."

"Oh, I know I will." Remus wasn't worried about that. He knew enough about human nature to know that he would hurt, but he would heal. It was the natural course of things. One loved, one lost, one grieved, and if one was lucky, loved again.

"Don't let yourself waste your life." Moody went on. "You've got a lot of years ahead of you, a lot of good ones. You're a handsome man, and you've got a good heart."

"Thank you." Remus smiled softly. "Have…have you ever been in love?"

"Of course I have. Every man's been in love, Remus. No matter what they say. You don't worry about your love life right now. You worry about healing."

"I'm not worried about healing," Remus said, chuckling softly. "I've lost enough to know this will pass. Not fully, but it will pass."

"Spoken like an old soldier!" Moody let out a cackling laugh, and Remus echoed it weakly. They *were* old soldiers, really.

"Not that old," Remus protested lightly.

"No you ain't." Moody shook his head. "I'm the old one. Too old for this shit, that's for sure."

"Not suited for active retirement?" Remus joked.

"Not this sort of activity." Moody shook his head. 

"With luck, this will be over soon." It was all any of them wanted, really. For the war to end, the threat to be gone. Or at least for the Ministry to take up some of the weight! "But…it makes you think, doesn't it?"

"Bout what?" Moody tilted his head, looking rather seriously at Remus.

"Life. Chances. Mortality." Remus shrugged. "I supposed I'm being cliché, but doesn't it?"

"Some of us always think about those things."

"Some of us would, yes." He'd never given much thought to what Moody thought about. He was just…this presence. An almost paternal one. More protective then Dumbledore, and more tangible. Moody was easier to identify with, easier to see as an equal. 

"Anything particular on your mind now?"

"Just thinking how much of my life I wasted." Remus sighed. Fourteen years, waiting for a man who had had no right to come back into his life. How long would he have gone on, really?

"You haven't wasted a damn minute," Moody said. "Maybe didn't do what you wanted, doesn't mean it's wasted."

"I can't say I share your ideals." Remus peered back down into the tea cup. "I had so many opportunities to change my life, and I didn't."

"Cause of Sirius?"

"Because I missed him, and I felt…as ridiculous is it is, I felt I'd be unfaithful to him. Keep in mind, this was still when I thought him to be a murderous traitor."

"That's just love, Remus." Moody waved his hand as though dismissing what Remus had just said. "Love's funny that way. My heart's twenty years ago, with a bit named Eleanor Carmichael. She passed away, back in the first war. I've been in love since then, but never forgot her. That's all that matters."

He hadn't known. He could remember the Moody of the old war- a distinguished and rather handsome man. Traces of that were still visible now, behind the scars and the wear. 

"A part of me feels like the best thing to do now is to move on as quickly as possible," Remus said, feeling better for getting his feelings out. "And another part is convinced I'll *never* move on."

"You do what you feel's right. Know it's not your way, but a quick shag could do you good. Sharing bed's isn't sharing heats, Remus."

"You're quite wise," Remus said, smiling. "Maybe…." There was always Severus. His tastes ran in the right direction, but…well, the Potions Master had never been very fond of him.

"You take it slow," Moody said. "You give it a try, you feel it out, and you make your choice."

"I don't quite follow…" Remus frowned, thoughtfully, trying very hard to follow Moody's train of thought.

"Maybe you should pay better attention!" Moody snapped, thumping his wooden leg. He grumbled, standing and crossing round the table. Remus watched with mild interest which rapidly turned to confusion as Moody pulled him to his feet and pressed a rather thorough kiss to his lips.

Remus was not one to be taken easily by surprise. He prided himself on his sense and his ability to read people. But nothing could have warned him that Mad-Eye Moody was going to kiss him. It wasn't a *bad* kiss. Adjustments needed to be made, and obviously the old Auror was very experienced, but…

"Well?" Moody pulled away, eyebrows drawn together and expression one of grim curiosity.

"You kissed me," Remus said, licking his lips. Moody's lips had been rather rough and chapped, almost like kissing sandpaper. But it hadn't been bad.

"Swift on the uptake, eh?" Moody shook his head. 

"I just…I wasn't expecting…that…" Back to incoherency. Wonderful. "I had no idea…"

"Why should you?" Moody crossed his arms. 

"Point taken. Er…" He wasn't sure how to respond now. Moody had kissed him. And all that talk about a quick shag, and being there for him….oh my. Remus was inclined to believe Alastor Moody was coming on to him! "Why? I mean, was it simply to gauge my reaction, or…?"

"Already told you yer a handsome man, Remus." Moody chuckled dryly. "It's not often I get a chance to kiss a handsome man. Not often I get to kiss anyone."

"You don't give yourself enough credit." Remus was struggling to keep the conversation light and calm. If one as honest, Moody had a certain appeal to him. A rugged appeal, once the shock of his appearance had been gotten over. Or one could always call him beautiful, in the way one would appraise a painting by Picasso.

"You're not quite jumping into my arms."

"I'm still mourning." This was rather difficult, really. He couldn't claim he had romantic feelings for the other man, nor could he imagine any would develop. But then again, he'd never imagined that feelings would develop between himself and Sirius either. Emotions were slippery things, really.

"Thought you wanted to get over it quick?"

"I…I'm not sure." Remus chose his words carefully. "But if that is the path I take, I don't think I'm going to be very fond of whomever…helps me through it, so to speak. I'd rather not go through that with you."

"Sparing me, are you?" Moody watched him *very* carefully, his eyes rolling back and forth in his head before coming to rest on Remus'. "It's t hat good heart I was talking about earlier."

"I suppose it is." Remus smiled, and kissed Moody gently on the cheek. "And it's like you said. I'm not one for a quick shag."

"Which just makes you a pain in my arse," Moody growled, but there was an almost playful light in his one good eye.

"Not my attention, I assure you." Remus stifled a small smile. "Give me time?"

"Oh?"

"I…I would never have looked to you on my own," Remus admitted. "But now that I know the option is open to me…"

"Now you know where there's a sure thing, you mean."

"You're twisting my words!" But Remus realized that Moody was teasing him. It was probably the older man's way of flirting with him. It was much better then being pitied, or sobbed upon.

"Just straightening them out," Moody told him, laughing loudly. 

"All right. Just…give me some time," Remus repeated. "It's too soon."

"Course it is." Moody nodded. "But there's not going to be any bitching about missed chances."

"No." Remus shook his head. "If you'll excuse me, I have a few things I need to take care of. Thank you. For everything."

"No thanks," Moody said, shaking his head. "Didn't go out of my way to do anything."

"Maybe not, but I'm thankful all the same." Remus kissed him again, a brief brushing of lips against lips. He tasted almost like cloves. It was surprisingly pleasant. 

"Go on," Moody said, stepping back. "Do what you have to, eh?"

"I am," Remus said, smoothing his robes. "Thank you, again."

He was gone before Moody could protest anymore. He had quite a bit to think on now. Alastor Moody. He had thought of the man as almost a second father until now. Now…

Well, he supposed time would tell. 

But not *too* much time. He didn't want to let any more chances pass him by.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


End file.
